22 Weeks 3 Days

Today I'm 22 weeks 3 days along, but since Charlie is measuring +4 days, I might as well be 23 weeks! The bump is growing quite a bit. Yesterday, I swear I was larger than this and two days ago I was huge! He must have switched positions again. I think he's still in the breech position, so sometimes I don't feel his kicks too consistently which is worrisome, but thanks to the magical internet, I know that this is normal. By this time with Anna (22 weeks), I could see her foot jutting out and running across my tummy. No go this time around. I guess every pregnancy really is different. I'm just praying that Mr. C goes head-down before go time. I do not want to be cut open! I'm actually hoping for a natural birth (no meds, no episiotomy, nothing). We'll see if I get my wish. Just pray for me.

Symptoms: Aching hips and tummy seem to be my biggest complaints lately. Between 19 and 24 weeks, baby doubles in size... that basically translates to a lot of discomfort on this end. Ah, well. :) I guess it's all for a good cause.

Anna's Preschool Graduation Day

Anna actually "graduated" at the beginning of the month, but I'm a slacker. :) Anyway, it was so much fun. It's always fun to see her in her little world with all of her friends and her teachers. There was a pinata, which she loved. There was food and candy and all kinds of good things. This wasn't a true graduation for Anna. Unfortunately she has to wait another year before going to kindergarten due to her birthday. Paul and I personally believe she's smart enough to go on, but she's still too young. I'm sure she'll miss her friends next year and it breaks my heart that she won't have her best friend Clark by her side next year, but I'm sure she'll make a new best friend and she'll make many more between now and the time she graduates from college. I'll just try not to worry about it much. :)

Dear Daughter

Dear Anna,

You are four now, but you'll always be my baby girl. When you graduate from kindergarten, you'll be my baby girl. When you graduate high school and college, I'll weep because you're my baby girl. When you hold your own children, freshly born, I'll look on you in pride - because you are my baby girl.

I'm proud of you. It's as simple as that. I've snapped thousands of pictures of you over the years because the years just keep flying by. Seeing you grow is both wonderful and horrifying. Horrifying, why? Because it's going by so fast! It's a blur! It truly is. You're my darling girl. I love you so much. Sometimes I've been afraid that I could possibly love another child like I love you. I love you that much. Of course, seeing your baby brother has changed all of that. It's a different love, but an equal love. Motherhood is a mystery, I suppose. It's a mystery followed by a mystery followed by more mysteries. You wonder how you'll possibly be able to do something and then it magically works out. Well, maybe it's not magic. It's just motherhood. It's one of those amazing things. One of those inexplicable things.

My wishes for you, my child, my first born, the one who taught me how to mother are as follows: I want for you to never forget your Father. People come and out of our lives. They come, they leave, they die. Sometimes they hurt you. Sometimes they don't. But there is One who never hurts and never leaves. I'm not perfect. I've forgotten on many occasions, but when I remember or come around to remembering, the clouds part.

Earthly things. Deep friendships, wonderful memories, love and family, fulfilling missions, forgiveness, peace, education, learning, people to look up to academically and spiritually, a friendship that is deep and lasting with your brother, a realization that no matter what there is always something worse (not better... worse... why? because thankfulness is a good perspective in life), kindness, charity... And every good thing in life.

I love you, my spunky, silly, smart, athletic, goofy, artistic and wonderful daughter.

Love,
Mom

Dear Son

Dear Charles,

My wish for you is to be a strong and centered man someday. I want you to have a love for the Lord. I want you to do things better than I did. I want for you to have an excellent education and to pursue the things you love. I want you to know that it's OK for a man to cry. I want you to do those things in this world, but to never forget the Things that matter most. It's so easy to get wrapped up in the ephemeral, sweet boy. Don't let it take your spirit away. Cars and houses may be nice, but in the end there are things that matter much more than these. I pray you know the difference. Most of all, I pray I can do a good job at showing you that difference.

I want for you to be friends with your sister. You may be opposites, but I hope that you two cling to the things that are the same. I want your relationship to be meaningful. I want it to be a deep friendship.

I want love to touch your life. I know that pain will touch it - it touches everyone's, but I hope you bounce back. "Joy comes with the morning", Charlie. Sometimes we have terrible things happen to us. Sometimes people we love die. Sometimes it seems like the world is falling down around our ears, but inevitably joy rebounds - inevitably something good comes along and the bad things are just a terrible and vague memory. When the bad things happen, don't forget this. It's OK to question and to run - we're only human - and I think that in the end it makes us stronger. It makes our Faith stronger.

Most of all, I hope and pray that I can be a good mother to you. I love you already. I don't want to fail you. I'm not sure yet what it takes to raise a son right. Thankfully I'm not alone in this. Your dad is an amazing man and he is so excited to have a son - just as he was excited to have a daughter. Our love for you two is equal but different. I'm sure we'll spend the rest of our lives figuring out how to parent you two. I'm sure that when I'm sixty I'll snap my fingers and say, "I've figured it out!" I'll make mistakes along the way and I'll make triumphs. Either way, everything will be done in love.

Love,
Mom

20 Weeks: Pics

20 weeks 1 day. Charlie is measuring +4 days.
Anna loves to be in these pictures... my little cutie. hehe :)

Anna: Preschool and Summer Pictures

(Above: This is Anna with her best friend Clark. Real cuties, these two.)

20 Weeks: Some Ultrasound Pictures!

Proof that he's a boy...

My sweet little Charlie... it's so good to finally meet you. :)


I'll post a couple (but not all) of the ultrasound pictures of Charlie. I must mention too, before I forget it - Charlie was trying to suck on his fingers toward the end - he failed, though. Then he tried to suck on his toes! So cute!!! Cuteness overload. :)
Also, he had a full bladder and was already practicing drinking. He weighs 12 oz and is measuring 20 weeks 4 days. Let's hope that means he's planning on coming 4 days early. ;) Everything looks great! He's a healthy boy and I'm a proud mama! Paul came up to me today and rubbed my tummy and talked to Charlie... awww... I have a great Anna story in the below writings. I have such a wonderful family!


How far along? 20 Weeks 1 Day (today)
Weight: 131 pounds, as of yesterday.
Wardrobe? All maternity, baby... except for the shirt I'm wearing at the moment... But honestly, it isn't too good-looking on me. ;)
Stretch marks? Same ol'.
Sleep? Restful... Not too shabby, I guess.
Best Anna/Baby moment this week? Anna has been saying that she wants a baby sister and that she doesn't like baby brothers, but today she came off the bus wanting to see the DVD of Charlie's ultrasound, saying she wanted to see him wave at her again... she tried to show the video a little toy, but I had to explain it was just a movie. Anyway, she sat back and said, "I like baby boys!" I'm glad she feels that way, because we won't be trading him any time soon! ;)
Belly button in or out? Innie. It's getting shallower...
Movement? My cervix sure is getting kicked a lot these days...
Nausea: Feelin' good!
Symptoms: BH contractions, big boobs, big tummy, tired (!!!), dealing with an unusually unseasonal cold... Oh, the usual pregnancy complaints. :)

It's a Boy!

We're having a little boy and his name is Charles! I'll post pictures and a regular update later, but for now I didn't want to lose this information:

My BP: 110/60
My Weight: 131
Baby's HR: 148 bpm
Baby's weight: 12 oz.
Measuring: 20 weeks 4 days (big boy!)

19 Weeks and Grad School

How far along? 19 Weeks
Weight gain/loss: N/A
Wardrobe? I'm currently lounging in a pair of yoga pants and a black exercise top. In the picture above I am wearing a pair of size 9 non-maternity slacks (usually swimming on me), a black tank top and a non-maternity top. I was getting ready for my grad school interview.
Stretch marks? Nothin' new.
Sleep? So far it has been restful, but lacking.
Best Anna/Baby moment this week? In the above pictures, I asked Paul to snap some photos. Anna was very excited about being in the pictures. She wanted to be in all of them and touch my belly. Gosh, I have a lovely daughter.
Boy or girl? We find out in 6 days! (June 9th)
Belly button in or out? Innie.
Movement? Lots of kicks to my cervix. You know that's fun, right?
Nausea: Done! Although, there have been times where I've eaten something and not finished because it tastes awful to me.
Symptoms: Braxton Hicks, kicking, feeling like a small house... Good times. :)

On an unrelated note...
Yesterday (the day of the above photos), I had an interview for graduate school. The interview went splendidly. The lady who interviewed me told me that I have a personality of someone who would pursue a doctorate and asked why I wasn't applying for that program! That boosted my confidence. I know I can do well in the program... I'm a total geek and I can't get enough psychology... but I guess I have low confidence in myself sometimes. I didn't think I could do well enough to pursue a doctorate. That's a five-year program... how old would I be? 32? Goodness... that would take a while. With the MA program, I'll be done in 2 years flat. I'm sure once I'm done with this program, I'll crave the PhD. For now, though, I think this is the next step that I need to take. I will find out if I've been accepted into the program on June 17th.

Also, Paul's job is looking hopeful... We're praying he gets it. Things are looking up!!!

As for Anna, her preschool picnic is tomorrow and on Monday, we'll be attending her class trip to the zoo. This will be a lot of fun. I'm looking forward to getting a peek into her little world and meeting all of the friends she talks about. :)

Anna and the Worm

Weight

Weight is such a funny thing. Scales weren't even available for the average consumer until the sometime last century. Women all over the world, even today, go throughout their pregnancies, give birth, and never look at a scale. So why do mothers and women focus on numbers so much? Our interpretations of these numbers are so subjective - subjective to our modern culture. Thinness is beauty, our culture cries. Whether we choose to listen to or ignore those images and words are our choice alone. However, it's easy to say that even when we choose to say those numbers are unimportant, that we do feel some sort of pride when we are thin and shame when we are fat. It's a shame, really, but it's the truth.

Last summer I began running. It was mainly for stress-relief and because I wanted to see if I could do it (I've always considered myself a non-runner). Although I would win no marathons, by the end of the summer, I ran 2 1/2 miles with my friend Olga beside the lake. I did it! The girl who could hardly run a mile all her life, even in her best shape! It was empowering! But I still looked at the scale. I was thrilled to see that I was down to 117 pounds by the time August came around and Olga hurt her foot and I stopped running. School began and there simply wasn't time (or energy) to run. I know I gained (and subsequently lost) a lot of muscle in that time because by January, I was 118 pounds (120 being the average). Now that I'm pregnant, I'm 127 pounds and it's definitely hard to see the scale creeping upward. I've checked online calculators and I have gained a healthy weight so far. I'm happy for that. I know that my baby is growing inside of me and is doing well. I also know I'll need that extra fat for breastfeeding afterward. There's a bit of anxiety in me that wonders if I'll ever get back down to that weight. After I had Anna, I was obviously still holding onto pregnancy weight, but I told myself that I wouldn't and couldn't lose that weight completely. I threw out a lot of clothing. No, I'm wasn't even the same shape in August as I was before I had Anna. I was certainly lighter, though! My hips are wider, definitely. I'm just not a child any more and my body certainly reflects that. I have a woman's body. My husband tells me that I'm beautiful. He scoffs at women who hide their womanhood, saying that a mother's body is more beautiful than any girl's (how did I find such a man?). I am certainly among the lucky in a lot of ways. No, I won't have my fifteen-year-old body back (thank God) and yes, I'm sure that I'll be able to get out there and run again and feel the breeze through my hair, no matter how much I weigh or how much my body has changed.

Excuse Me While I Gush...

Today Anna's teachers came to our house for a little parent-teacher conference. We learned so many wonderful things that I just had to gush...

*She knows eight shapes from the list they gave her including: circle, square, rectangle, oval, star, triangle, heart and octagon. (She doesn't know the hexagon or pentagon... but what four year old even knows what an octagon is? Anna does!)

* She can rote count from 1 to 10. I know she also knows zero and she can count higher than this as well. She usually gets tripped up once she gets to 20. She recognizes most of the numbers (0-10) as well and mixes up 6 and 9.

*She can write her name very well. :)

*She knows her colors. At the beginning of the year, she didn't know black or brown, but now she does. :)

*She knows her ABCs and recognizes all of the letters in the alphabet. Her teachers actually said she didn't recognize the letter O, however we know for a fact she does and we were surprised that they said she knew W and V, which she mixes up when we practice at home! She also knows how to spell zoo.

*They said that she is very advanced for her age and she is doing very well (she's one of the youngest in her class and will have to take preschool again next year because of her late birthday).

*She is friends with everyone. Everyone wants to play with her. She tends to do dramatic things like faint in front of everyone and all of the kids will rush to her side (but if other kids try, the children won't rush to their sides haha). She is a little drama queen and she has "given birth" to a doll in class, in a very dramatic fashion. She has cried at a drop of a hat, convincing everyone around her that she ought to become an actress (not until you finish college, young lady)!

I just love my little girl and it's always good to hear praise of your child from someone else's lips. :)

18 Weeks

How far along? 18 Weeks
Weight gain/loss: N/A
Wardrobe? Cozy maternity jeans and a non-maternity stretchy shirt (pictured). I almost wore a maternity dress my mom got me, but it's still huge on me. Go figure.
Stretch marks? Same ol', same ol'.
Sleep? A pillow between the knees seriously helps with hip pain. :)
Best Anna/Baby moment this week? Paul was feeling for the baby's kicks today (no success). Anna turned and gave us this look that said, "Would you like me to leave the room?" haha! She's so expressive.
Belly button in or out? In.
Movement? I've felt some serious kicking this week. I even was able to feel the baby kicking from the outside, very lightly.
Nausea: Some food aversions, but it's mostly done! Wahoo! :)
Symptoms: Some sleep disturbances, feeling especially sleepy, etc.

Tap Tap Tappin' at My Front Door

The baby was just now kicking away, so I kept following the kicks with my finger tips. It took a while (because he or she would move after I put my hand there), but eventually I felt some light little taps from the outside! So exciting. :) Lately I've been feeling most of the kicks in my cervix. Fun times. :) Thankfully, it's not painful... yet.

17 Weeks 5 Days

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