How to be a Crappy Parent

Crappy parenting goes as thus:

1. Keep doing everything you're doing.

2. Look at what everyone else is doing and yearn to do what they're doing.

3. Look at your kids. Jeez, they're messed up! Fix them! Fix them, I say!

4. Look at the wake of destruction behind you and realize how truly sucky you are at life and parenting.

I'm pretty sure I'm guilty of all of the above, so I must be a crappy parent. I'm not that great at what I'm doing here. I can see a million things that I can do better than this. I have issues, to say the least. When I wake up in the morning, I am exhausted and lazy. I do some cleaning and feeding. By 1, I might be in my pajamas... or regular clothes. It doesn't matter, but I'm pretty sure that I've succeeded if I've gotten at least one kid dressed. If I've made macaroni and cheese for lunch, then I am THE WOMAN. Today I vacuumed, did the dishes, clothed and fed both of the kids and even got into real clothes before Paul got home from work. I also did a little blogging. How, though, does it feel like I haven't gotten a chance to take a breath? How is it that there are still dirty clothes and dishes? Some days, I feel like I'm falling further behind than I am getting ahead. I look at everything I'm doing, hate that I'm making apparent mistakes and I keep doing it. I see everyone else is supermom, superwife or super careerwoman. I can't duplicate what they do. I want to do things for Anna and Charlie to help them through life, but I suck at it so much. No, this isn't a whine-post. Don't you dare tell me that I'm just being down on myself. There is is a point here and I'll get to it shortly. It's hard to keep a straight line of thinking when a six month old is climbing all over me and I'm trying to ignore him for the good of the interwebs! I swear that this is educational and worth risking my child's mental health! I see that I'm not really that bad of a mom. I try hard at doing the best I can, even if I fail. I care when I fail. I just can't fix it. I want to be a better mom and wife. Most of all, I want to be a better friend. I want to let others know that I can be a good friend. I want to make connections, not just be a shut-in. What is my first step? I don't know. But I suppose I should let others know that I care for them and try to make dates for me and my friends. Dang, I hardly make dates for me and my husband! Maybe I do suck at being a wife! I suppose I need to take more 'risks' to be able to be more rounded. I don't trust others. I have trust issues. ;) What is the point of this post again? Probably that I won't even push 'publish' at the end. I'm sitting here sobbing and feeling really self-deprecating right now. I think I need a shower and me time. Then I'll worry about everyone else. Everyone is fed and happy. I just need me time. Maybe then, I'll be able to be a better mom, wife and friend.