Time...

It's amazing how time passes by. It seems like time stands still some times, but I've come to learn that it's actually moving so fast that you feel like you're standing still. I remember the day Anna was born. No, it doesn't feel like it was yesterday any more. I was in a haze, really. Anna was posterior which made for horrifying backlabor. On top of that I had no epidural and I was so starved that I had no energy to even open my eyes. I put everything into pushing her out. By the time she was born and placed on my chest I had no idea she was born. I was shocked that she was there and I felt like I had no warning. I said, "Oh my gosh! It's my baby!" But while they warmed her up and my O.B. repaired my wound (episiotomy) I remember trying really hard to open my eyes to see her, but I just had no energy. I whispered to Paul with all of my strength, "Is she ok? What does she look like?" He said, "She's beautiful. She looks like Jennifer [my sister]!" It seems like a million years ago now, but it also feels like last week. I remember nursing her those first few days. I was in pain from the episiotomy and couldn't walk or take care of her myself. I cried. I cried because I couldn't take care of her and I cried because I loved her so much! I can't explain that kind of love, but I'm sure that any mother who reads this knows what that love feels like. It floods over you. It drowns you in joy and thankfulness. I'm so very thankful for my little girl. I'm so very thankful for my blessings and for my daughter. She is my joy. She is wonderful and perfect. She is silly and busy and smart and loving and temperamental. I couldn't love her any more than I love her now, or tomorrow, or the next day.

She's sitting next to me on the bed with one of my rubber bands trying to put it in her "hair"... hahaha!