Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Just Two

Paul (hubby) and I are fairly certain that we just want two. And to even think about getting pregnant again is a little frightening to me. Thankfully both pregnancies have been fairly complication free (with the exception of having high BP during my pregnancy with Anna), but it's just the delivery part! Both babies have been posterior and have needed to be vacuum-extracted. Charlie had the added fun of having the cord around his neck and shoulder dystocia because of being nearly 10 pounds. And let me tell you, carrying a nearly 10 pound baby was no walk in the park. I had pubic symphysis pain for weeks before delivery and for a week or two after - I'm still sensitive down there. Recovery was hell after having Anna and not too fun this time around, although much better. After having Charlie, the first to hold him was a warming bassinet surrounded by the NICU staff. Thankfully, I got to hold Anna first after having her. The point is, I'll never be one of those two-pushes-and-they're-out ladies. I'll never be a homebirth candidate (not that that's on my list, but still!). I'll never been one of those ladies who goes out and runs a mile a few weeks after birth.

But after having Charlie, the epidural actually worked and I was able to enjoy those first moments of his life, remember them, remember holding him for the first time, cuddling him, remember nursing him for the first time... it was wonderful! The recovery hasn't been too bad, although there have been a few bumps in the road... and I find that I'm sad that this is likely our last baby. I'm sad I won't experience that first moment ever again. At the same time, I don't want to go through what it takes to experience that first moment.

So, here I am. A mama of two. Maybe there'll be adoption in our future, just as I had always dreamed, but for now, it's just the four of us. And there will be plenty of firsts ahead of us... first smiles, first days at preschool, Anna getting married, Charlie getting married, first grandchildren... lots of firsts.